Agrajag is a piteous creature that is continually reincarnated and subsequently killed, each time unknowingly, by Arthur Dent (Although some lives are just indirectly killed by Arthur; one example is Arthur eating a steak made from a cow that was Agrajag without actually having any personal role in the cow’s death himself). Agrajag is first identified in the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, but it is revealed that several of Arthur’s encounters in the first and second novels (and in previous chapters of the third) were with previous incarnations of Agrajag. The first occurs in the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, when a bowl of petunias is suddenly yanked into existence miles above the planet Magrathea, and begins falling, having only time to think, “Oh no, not again,” before crashing to the ground. The book then speculates that if it could be understood why the bowl of petunias had thought that, we would know a lot more about the universe than we do now. The reason behind the bowl’s lament is revealed in the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, when Agrajag identifies the bowl of petunias as one of his prior incarnations, and tells Arthur that he had seen his face in a spaceship window as he fell to his doom. In another incarnation, Agrajag was a rabbit on prehistoric Earth (during the time period recounted in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe) who was killed by Arthur for breakfast and whose skin was fashioned into a pouch, which is then used to swat a fly who also happened to be Agrajag. In yet another, near the beginning of the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, Agrajag is an old man who dies of a heart attack after seeing Arthur and Ford materialise, seated on a Chesterfield sofa, in the midst of a match at Lord’s Cricket Ground.
Eventually, Agrajag becomes aware of his many past incarnations and wishes to take revenge on Arthur Dent, diverting his teleportation to a Cathedral of Hate. However, in the process of explaining his reasons for hating Arthur he mentions “Stavromula Beta,” where Arthur ducks to avoid a shot fired by an assassin, which then hits Agrajag instead. Arthur, never having been to Stavromula Beta, has no idea what Agrajag is talking about, and Agrajag realises that he’s brought Arthur to the Cathedral too early. Thus, any attempt by Agrajag to kill Arthur would be logically impossible. He tries to kill Arthur anyway, and once again dies at Arthur’s hands while Arthur is defending himself, but not before setting off the explosives intended to kill Arthur by triggering a massive rockfall. Due to the laws of cause and effect and the laws of time and the universe (not to mention dramatic necessity), Arthur escapes the rockfall unharmed.
For the next few years Arthur travels the universe, secure in his knowledge that, no matter what happens, he cannot die at least until after he survives his assassination attempt at Stavromula Beta. In the novel Mostly Harmless Arthur’s daughter Random Frequent Flyer Dent holds him hostage in a London club. When she fires her weapon Arthur dodges, causing the bolt to pass over his head and hit the man standing behind him. Earlier the victim (Agrajag) had dropped a book of matches which revealed the owner of the nightclub to be Stavro Mueller, and the name of the club to be Beta. Thus, what Arthur believed to be the name of a planet was actually the name of the nightclub, and Agrajag has died once again. Because of this, Arthur is now able to die as well, which, thanks to the Vogons, he does a few seconds later.
In fit the fifteenth of the radio series, Douglas Adams plays Agrajag, having recorded the part for an audiobook version of the novel Life, the Universe and Everything. Producer Dirk Maggs added a suitable voice treatment, and Simon Jones as Arthur Dent recorded his lines opposite the pre-recorded Adams. Adams was thus able to “reincarnate” to participate in the new series.
At the end of the novel And Another Thing…, Arthur Dent’s extreme bad luck in life coupled with cosmic balance mean that as he materialises on a planet shortly before Vogons are due to destroy it, Agrajag wakes up from a coma after six months having won the lottery and been recognised by a long lost love whilst on “Celebrity Coma.” This event presumably leads to cosmic balance ruining his other lives for the benefit of Arthur Dent.
Mrs Alice Beeblebrox
Alice Beeblebrox is Zaphod’s favourite mother, lives at 108 Astral Crescent, Zoovroozlechester, Betelgeuse V, and guards the true story of Zaphod’s visit to the Frogstar, waiting for “the right price.” She is referenced in fit the eighth of the radio series.
As their names were written to suggest, every Allitnil is an anti-clone of a Lintilla. They were created by the cloning company to eliminate the billions of cloned Lintillas flooding out of a malfunctioning cloning machine. Being anti-clones, when an Allitnil comes into physical contact with a Lintilla, they both wink out of existence in a puff of unsmoke.
Along with Poodoo and Varntvar the Priest, three Allitnils arrived on Brontitall to get the three Lintillas there to “agree to cease to be”. Two of the clones eliminate their corresponding Lintillas, but Arthur shoots the third Allitnil, so that one Lintilla survives.
The Almighty Bob is a deity worshipped by the people of Lamuella. Old Thrashbarg is one of the priests who worships Almighty Bob; however, Thrashbarg is often ignored by the villagers of Lamuella. The character may be a reference to The Church of the SubGenius. The Almighty Bob appears in the fifth book, the novel Mostly Harmless.
Anjie was a woman, on the brink of retirement, and on whose behalf a raffle was being held in order to buy her a kidney machine. An unnamed woman (played by June Whitfield on the radio) convinces Arthur Dent to buy raffle tickets while he and Fenchurch are in a railway pub, attempting to have lunch. Arthur won an album of bagpipe music.
Referred to in: the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Arcturan Megafreighter crew
The captain and first officer were the only crew of an Arcturan Megafreighter carrying a larger number of copies of Playbeing magazine than the mind can comfortably conceive. They brought Zaphod Beeblebrox to Ursa Minor Beta, after he had escaped from the Haggunenon flag ship. Zaphod was let on board by the Number One, who was cynical about the Guide’s editors becoming soft. He admired the fact that Zaphod was “hitching the hard way”.
They only appear in fit the seventh of the radio series, where the captain is played by David Tate, and his number one by Bill Paterson. However, some of their dialogue was given to other characters in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
A small slug who is next in line for an insult by Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged, after Arthur Philip Dent.
Referred to in: the novel Life, the Universe and Everything
Three different barmen appear during the series.
Barman of the Horse and Groom
In the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, in episode 1 of the TV series and the film, Ford and Arthur quickly down three pints each- at lunchtime – to calm their muscles before using the teleport to escape on the Vogon ship. Being told the world is about to end he calls “last orders, please.” The Red Lion Inn at Chelwood Gate, West Sussex was used during the TV series, and referenced in the dialogue (Adams himself can be seen in the background of this scene); Steve Conway played the character on TV. This barman was played by David Gooderson in the original radio series and Stephen Moore in the LP recording. In the 2005 motion picture, Albie Woodington portrayed this particular barman.
Barman in Old Pink Dog Bar
Ford visits the Old Pink Dog Bar in Han Dold City, orders a round for everyone and then tries to use an American Express card to pay for it, fails, is threatened by a disembodied hand and so offers a Guide write-up instead. This happens in the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish. In the radio adaptation of this novel, the barman was played by Arthur Smith.
Barman in the Domain of the King
Another barman takes a galactic sized tip for Elvis from Ford on his Hitchhiker’s corporate Dine-O-Charge credit card in an attempt to bankrupt InfiniDim Enterprises in the novel Mostly Harmless and the final radio series. This bartender was played by Roger Gregg.
BBC department head
When Arthur returns to Earth in the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish he calls his department head to explain why he was absent from work the last six months: “I’ve gone mad.” His superior is very relaxed about it and asks when Arthur will return to work, and is quite satisfied by the reply “When do hedgehogs stop hibernating?”. In the recent radio series, the part is played by Geoffrey Perkins, who actually worked at the BBC, alongside Adams on the series.
Blart Versenwald III
In the epilogue of the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, Blart Versenwald III was a top genetic engineer, and a man who could never keep his mind on the job at hand. When his homeworld was under threat from an invading army, he was tasked with creating an army of super-soldiers to fight them. Instead, he created (among other things) a remarkable new breed of superfly that could distinguish between solid glass and an open window, and also an off-switch for children. Fortunately, because the invaders were only invading because they couldn’t cope with things back home, they too were impressed with Blart’s creations, and a flurry of economic treaties rapidly secured peace.
There is apparently a relevance of this tale to the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.
The strong silent type, an unnamed bodyguard is seen guarding the late Hotblack Desiato in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. His face, according to the book “had the texture of an orange and the colour of an apple, but there the resemblance to anything sweet ended.” In episode 5 of the TV series he is portrayed by actor David Prowse, Star Wars‘ Darth Vader, as a man of few words who can lift Ford Prefect clean off the floor. In the LP adaptation of the radio series, the character was voiced by David Tate.
Arthur attempts to play Scrabble with a caveman, who is not even able to spell “Grunt” and “Agh”, and “he’s probably spelt library with one R”. However, he does spell “forty-two”, giving Arthur the idea to pull out letters from the letters bag at random to attempt to find the ultimate question. Either the Vogons destroying the Earth five minutes too early, or the Golgafrinchans‘ interference, results in Arthur’s brainwave patterns providing the unhelpful “What do you get when you multiply six by nine?” which doesn’t quite match the Answer, unless you think of it in another way…(Base 13).
Colin (a.k.a. part #223219B) is a small, round, melon-sized, flying security robot which Ford Prefect enslaves to aid in his escape from the newly re-organized Guide offices in the novel Mostly Harmless. “Its motion sensors are the usual Sirius Cybernetics garbage.” Ford captures Colin by trapping the robot with his towel and re-wiring the robot’s pleasure circuits, inducing a cyber-ecstasy trip.
Ford uses Colin’s cheerfulness to break into the Guide’s corporate accounting software in order to plant a Trojan Horse module that will automatically pay anything billed to his InfiniDim Enterprises credit card. Colin also saves Ford’s life when the Guide’s new security force, the Vogons, fire at him with a rocket launcher after Ford feels the need to jump out of the window. Colin was last seen being sent (at the risk of possible lonely incineration) to look after the delivery of the Guide Mark II to Arthur Dent in the Vogon’s postal system.
Colin was named after a dog which belonged to a girl, Emily Saunders, of whom Ford had fond memories. Colin appears in the novel Mostly Harmless, and in the radio series he was played by Andrew Secombe.
Crew member on the Vogon ship commanded by Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, and Jeltz’s son. Notable for his very un-Vogon-like emotions, ethics and agility, all of which he attempts to keep hidden (with varying degrees of success) from his father and crewmates, lest he be demoted to more unpleasant (even for a Vogon) duties or killed outright for aberrant behavior. Appears in the novel And Another Thing….
Dr. Dan Streetmentioner
Author of Time Traveller’s Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations which is handy for those travelling through time, and especially to Milliways. His guide is more complete than The Guide itself, which ignores the time travel tense topic . other than pointing out that the term ‘future perfect’ has been abandoned since it was discovered not to be. He is also mentioned in the third radio series, which gives many examples of his tense forms.
Deep Thought is a computer that was created by the pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent race of beings (whose three dimensional protrusions into our universe are ordinary white mice) to come up with the Answer to The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Deep Thought is the size of a small city. When, after seven and a half million years of calculation, the answer finally turns out to be 42, Deep Thought admonishes Loonquawl and Phouchg (the receivers of the Ultimate Answer) that “[he] checked it very thoroughly, and that quite definitely is the answer. I think the problem, to be quite honest with you is that you’ve never actually known what the question was.”
Deep Thought does not know the ultimate question to Life, the Universe and Everything, but offers to design an even more powerful computer, Earth, to calculate it. After ten million years of calculation, the Earth is destroyed by Vogons five minutes before the computation is complete.
- the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
On radio, Deep Thought was voiced by Geoffrey McGivern. On television and in the LP re-recording of the radio series, it was voiced by Valentine Dyall. In the feature film Deep Thought’s voice was provided by actress Helen Mirren.
In the television series, Deep Thought was shaped like a massive, black, and metal trapezoid with a yellow rectangular display that blinked on and off in time with the computer’s speaking. The timing of the light’s flashing was done on set by author Douglas Adams. Valentine Dyall’s voice was dubbed in later.
In the feature film, it appears as a large, vaguely humanoid computer, with a gigantic head supported, as if in a bored repose, by two arms and has a female voice. This particular version of Deep Thought likes to watch television and late in the film can also be seen to have the Apple Computer logo above its eye. This is a reference to Adams being a fan and advocate of the Apple Macintosh.
Deep Thought can be seen inscribed on a computer in the NORAD VI area of the 1992 computer game The Journeyman Project.
Dionah Carlinton Housney
Dionah appears in ‘And Another thing’ by Eoin Colfer. Dionah is one of Zaphod Beeblebrox’s favorite Singer/Prostitutes. She appears out of nowhere in the ‘Heart of Gold’ starship and sings Zaphod a cryptic song about the entrance to the planet Asgard. Zaphod does not understand the song. She vanishes after saying “oh for Zark’s sake” and then turns into an ice sculpture of herself, the sculpture soon melts into water and the water droplets rise up into the ceiling and every drop disappears after making a ‘oh’ sound. Zaphod later comments “That girl always could sing”.
Disaster Area’s chief research accountant
As Disaster Area’s earnings require hypermathematics, their chief research accountant was named Professor of Neomathematics at the University of Maximegalon and in his Special Theories of Tax Returns he proves that space-time is “not merely curved, it is, in fact, totally bent.” The Guide shows a graphic indicating that most of the earnings ends up with the accountant.
Referred to in:
Dish of the Day
The quadruped Dish of the Day is an Ameglian Major Cow, a ruminant specifically bred to not only have the desire to be eaten, but to be capable of saying so quite clearly and distinctly. When asked if he would like to see the Dish of the Day, Zaphod replies, “We’ll meet the meat.” The Major Cow’s quite vocal and emphatic desire to be consumed by Milliways‘ patrons is the most revolting thing that Arthur Dent has ever heard, and the Dish is nonplussed by a queasy Arthur’s subsequent order of a green salad, since it knows “many vegetables that are very clear” on the point of not wanting to be eaten . which was part of the reason for the creation of the Ameglian Major Cow in the first place. After Zaphod orders four rare steaks, the Dish announces that it is nipping off to the kitchen to shoot itself. Though it states, “I’ll be very humane,” this does not comfort Arthur at all.
Several years later, the principle characters encounter a herd of Ameglian Major Cows on the planet Nano, a colony planet established for exceedingly rich refugees from the destroyed Earth. Ford and Arthur (who is now far more open-minded after years spent traversing the galaxy) seriously consider the Cows’ offering themselves as a meal, only to be interrupted by the arrival of the Norse thunder god Thor and his subsequent duel with Bowerick Wowbagger. However, the lightning display accompanying Thor’s arrival kills and chars several Major Cows (while their still-living herdmates curse their fellows’ luck), and Ford and Arthur take the opportunity to sample the cooked meat. Later, a Major Cow is shown offering itself to Thor at the thunder god’s victory party.
The character is not present in the original radio series, but does make a cameo appearance in the finale of the fifth radio series. The first appearance of it was in a stage adaptation in 1980 at the Rainbow Theatre. Since then it appeared in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and episode 5 of the TV series. In the TV series, it was played by Peter Davison, who was at that time both Sandra Dickinson’s husband and the newly announced fifth Doctor Who. Dickinson played Trillian in the television series (and “Tricia McMillan” in the final radio series), and suggested casting Davison, who was a fan of the radio series.
East River Creature
As Ford Prefect travels through space in a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation spaceship, he has a dream in which he encounters a strange creature made of slime from the East River in New York who has just come into existence. After asking Ford a series of questions about life, and Ford’s recommendation of finding love on 7th Avenue, the creature leaves Ford to talk to a nearby policeman on his status in life.
In fit the twenty-first of the radio series, the East River character was played by American comedian Jackie Mason.
Known as “The Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six”, Eccentrica Gallumbits never actually appears in the series, but is mentioned by various characters in all six of the novels. She is first mentioned in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy when Arthur looks up Earth for the first time in the guide. The entry for Earth follows that for Eccentrica Gallumbits. She is heard about again during a newscast that Zaphod Beeblebrox tunes into shortly after stealing the spaceship Heart of Gold. The newsreader quotes Eccentrica describing Zaphod as “The best bang since the Big One.” It was also reported in fit the ninth of the radio series that Zaphod had delivered a presidential address from her bedroom on at least one occasion. Commentary on Zaphod in the novel And Another Thing… intimates that one reason for his acquiring a third arm is the ability to fondle all of Eccentrica’s breasts at the same time.
Pears Gallumbit, a dessert which has several things in common with her, is available at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Some people say her erogenous zones start some four miles from her actual body. Ford Prefect disagrees, saying five.
She is again mentioned in the novel And Another Thing… after a Wheel of cheese appears above the Nanites. “This sudden and most unexpected apparition shifted the crowd’s focus faster then the appearance of Eccentrica Gallumbits wearing a neon T-shirt flashing the slogan Freebie Friday would shift the focus of the crowd at a VirginNerd convention on a Friday.”
A triple-breasted prostitute was also seen in the movie Total Recall, who approached the cabbie, “Baby, baby, baby, you make me wish I had THREE hands!”
Eddie is the name of the shipboard computer on the starship Heart of Gold. Like every other system on the spaceship, it has a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Genuine People Personality. Thus, Eddie is over-excitable, quite talkative, over-enthused and extremely ingratiating, or alternatively a coddling, school matron-type as a back-up personality. Shipboard networking interconnects Eddie with everything on the Heart of Gold; at one point, the whole ship is effectively crippled by Arthur Dent’s request for tea from the Nutrimatic drinks dispenser; the computation of which nearly crashed Eddie and everything connected to him.
On one occasion when certain destruction seems quite imminent, Eddie sings “You’ll Never Walk Alone” in a particularly cheesy and upbeat tone.
- the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
- the novel Life, the Universe and Everything
- the computer game The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
He is voiced in the first two radio series and on television by David Tate. In the television version, Eddie has lights on his case that flash when he speaks. Douglas Adams read in Eddie’s lines during filming to operate the lights.
In the 2004-2005 radio series, he is voiced by Roger Gregg and in the 2005 feature film by Thomas Lennon.
Effrafax of Wug
A sciento-magician who bet his life that he could make an entire mountain invisible within a year. Having wasted most of the period of time failing to create a cloaking device, he hired a company to simply remove the mountain, though this course of action lost him the bet, and his life. This was all due in part to the sudden and rather suspicious presence of an extra moon, and in addition, the fact that you could never touch anything when you walked near the supposed invisible mountain. It is remarked that he should have established a simple Somebody Else’s Problem field, which would make the mountain totally invisible if it were to be painted bright pink.
Referenced in: the novel Life, the Universe and Everything.
Elders of Krikkit
The Elders of Krikkit were, in the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, under influence of the remains of the supercomputer Hactar, which ?ons previously had been blown to dust, but retained a measure of consciousness, and determined to destroy the entire universe using the supernova bomb they had built. Trillian used her feminine charm and smart rhetoric in an attempt to dissuade the elders, but failed to stop them deploying the ultimate weapon, which simply dented the council chamber very badly.
Elvis Presley is a real-life singer, who died in 1977. It has been popularly suggested that he has been abducted by aliens, or that he is actually an alien who faked his own death so he could return to his home planet.
In the novel Mostly Harmless, Elvis is discovered by Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent working as a bar singer on an alien planet, and owning a large pink spaceship. Ford, having become a huge fan of Elvis while he was stranded on Earth, watched the performance intently for its entire duration. Presley is not actually named, however his identity is easy to determine from the facts that the bar is called “The Domain of The King,” the “EP” initials in the pink spaceship which Ford and Arthur buy from him, and the accent in which he sings.
Ford’s irreplaceable blue suede shoes, one of which is destroyed during the events in the early part of the novel Mostly Harmless, are a tribute to his Elvis fandom.
In the radio adaptation of Mostly Harmless, the radio series The Quintessential Phase, it has been indicated that in the alternate Earth which is the focus of the story, Elvis never died, and there is mention of an album “Elvis sings Oasis“. He appears (but is not directly named) in fit the twenty-sixth of the radio series, voiced by Philip Pope.
Emily Saunders was a girl that Ford Prefect had “very fond memories of.” He initially thought of her name when trying to choose a name for the security robot he had captured. He decided that Emily Saunders was an absurd name for the robot and chose to name it after her dog, Colin.
Mentioned in: the novel Mostly Harmless.
Emperor of the Galaxy
The final Emperor of the Galactic Empire in the Hitchhiker’s universe was placed into a stasis field during his dying moments many millennia prior to the events of the series. Leaving the Empire with ruling, but near-dead Emperor, all the heirs died. And so an Imperial President, elected by the Galactic Assembly, is now seen to hold power, without actually wielding any. This was the office held by Yooden Vranx and Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Mrs Enid Kapelsen
An old woman from Boston who rediscovers purpose in life by seeing Arthur and Fenchurch flying (and performing “other activities”) outside the aeroplane within which she is flying to Heathrow. Witnessing this, she became enlightened, and realized that everything she had ever been taught was varyingly incorrect. She annoys the flight attendants by continually pressing her call button for reasons such as “the child in front was making milk come out of his nose.” Later she ends up seated next to Arthur and Fenchurch on another aeroplane en route from Los Angeles to London (though in the original radio series, she flies with Arthur and Fenchurch on a flight from London to Los Angeles).
- the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
In the final novel, it is gardener Eric Bartlett who discovers that space-aliens have landed on Tricia’s lawn and hasn’t cut her grass.
Fenchurch is Arthur Dent’s soulmate in the fourth book of the Hitchhiker “trilogy”, the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish. Fenchurch was named after the Fenchurch Street railway station where she was conceived in the ticket queue. Adams revealed in an interview that it was really the ticket queues at Paddington Station that made him think of conceiving a character there, but chose Fenchurch as a name because of Paddington Bear.
She first appears as the unnamed girl in the caf? on the first page of the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; she is the girl referred to as “sitting on her own in a caf? in Rickmansworth.” In the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, when the Earth and everyone including Fenchurch had mysteriously reappeared, a romantic relationship blooms between her and Arthur Dent. He teaches her to fly, before a first aerial sexual encounter, and a second with Sony Walkmen.
At the beginning of the novel Mostly Harmless, Fenchurch is referred to as having vanished abruptly during a hyperspace jump on their first intergalactic holiday. Douglas Adams later said that he wanted to get rid of the character as she was getting in the way of the story. Much of this is evident from the self-referential prose surrounding Arthur and Fenchurch’s relationship.
In fit the nineteenth of the radio series to fit the twenty-second of the radio series and fit the twenty-sixth of the radio series Fenchurch is played by actress Jane Horrocks.
She appears in television series played by an uncredited actress for the “girl in a caf? in Rickmansworth” segment from the second episode. Her appearance corresponds to the one described in So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.
In the novel And Another Thing… the computer of the Tanngrisnir takes the form of Fenchurch in its programmed attempts to live out the sub-conscious desires of the ship’s occupiers. While in this form she and Arthur talk and ponder together extensively, exacerbated by the effects of the ship’s dark matter travel on people’s emotions. Later in the book Arthur encounters another form of Fenchurch during a travel in hyperspace only to dematerialize, similar to his Fenchurch, across a plural zone into a different part of the universe.
- the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (unnamed cameo)
- the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
- the novel Mostly Harmless (only mentioned in passing)
- the novel And Another Thing…
Frankie and Benjy Mouse
Frankie and Benjy are the mice that Arthur (et al.) encounter on Magrathea. Frankie and Benjy wish to extract the final readout data from Arthur’s brain to get the Ultimate Question. Frankie and Benjy are, after all, part of the pan-dimensional race that created the Earth as a supercomputer successor to Deep Thought in order to find out the question to which the answer was 42.
In the first version, the radio series, they offered Arthur and Trillian a large amount of money if they could tell them what the Question is. In later versions this was changed – unfortunately for Arthur, they claim the only way to do this is to remove his brain and prepare it, apparently by dicing it. They promise to replace it with a simple computer brain, which, suggested Zaphod, would only have to say things like “What?”, “I don’t understand” and “Where’s the tea?”. Arthur objects to this (“What?”, he says. “See!” says Zaphod), and escapes with the help of his friends. Frankie says:
I mean, yes idealism, yes the dignity of pure research, yes, the pursuit of truth in all its forms, but there comes a point I’m afraid where you begin to suspect that if there’s any real truth it’s that the entire multi-dimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs; and if it comes to a choice between spending another ten million years finding that out and on the other hand just taking the money and running, I for one could do with the exercise
In the 2005 movie The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, they are in fact the manifestations of Lunkwill and Fook, the pan-dimensional beings who designed and built Deep Thought, and were squashed flat by Arthur Dent when they attempted to remove his brain.
- the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
On radio, David Tate played Benjy Mouse and Peter Hawkins voiced Frankie Mouse. They appeared in fit the fourth of the radio series. They also appeared in episode 4 of the TV series, where they were voiced by David Tate and Stephen Moore.
Frogstar Prisoner Relations Officer
In fit the eighth of the radio series the Frogstar Prisoner Relations Officer (referred to in the scripts as the “FPRO”) does his best to annoy Zaphod by hosing him down, letting him think that he escaped to an Ursa Minor robot disco by body debit card, asking him for an autograph and teleporting away whilst Zaphod helps him with his respiratory problem – that he is breathing.
In the story, the Earth is really a giant computer built to determine the Ultimate Question to Life, the Universe and Everything. Gag Halfrunt (as leader of a group of psychiatrists) is in cahoots with the Vogons to destroy the Earth to prevent the Ultimate Question from ever being discovered. The reason behind this plot is that the psychiatrists cannot afford to have the Ultimate Question revealed, because this would put them out of a job (on the premise that if the Question becomes known, everyone would suddenly start leading happy and productive lives, rendering the entire profession of psychiatry unnecessary). Later the Vogons also try (under Gag’s direction) to destroy the starship Heart of Gold, because it is carrying Arthur Dent, who may have the Question buried in his brain somewhere. All of this is unknown to Zaphod because he has brainwashed himself to forget about the collusion. In the end Zaphod “remembers” and does, in fact, find The Ruler of the Universe.
Gag Halfrunt was used since his first appearance in fit the second of the radio series as a running joke; he would remark, in an oddly German accent (possibly in reference to the Austrian psychiatrist Sigmund Freud), whenever asked about Zaphod “Vell, Zaphod’s just zis guy, you know?” This line has become a popular catchphrase among fans of the series.
On television, he was played by Gil Morris and in the film he is played by Jason Schwartzman. In both these versions he only appears briefly, being interviewed about Zaphod Beeblebrox, and the plot involving the Ruler of the Universe does not appear.
In the novel Mostly Harmless, Gail Andrews is an astrologer who is interviewed by Tricia McMillan about the impact that the discovery of the planet Persephone, or Rupert will have on astrology. She is an advisor to the President of the United States, President Hudson, but denies having recommended the bombing of Damascus.
Gargravarr, the disembodied mind and custodian of the Total Perspective Vortex on Frogstar World B (“the most totally evil place in the galaxy”), suffers from real-life dualism and is therefore having trial separation with his body, which has taken his forename Pizpot. The dispute arose over whether sex is better than fishing or not, a disastrous attempt at combining the two activities, and his body going out partying too late.
Since he has no physical form that can be seen, he leads those condemned to the Total Perspective Vortex by humming various morose tunes so that the condemned can follow the sound of his voice.
Garkbit is the Head Waiter at Milliways, the impossible “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe”. He is professionally unfazed by Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, and Trillian’s unruly arrival. He has a fine sales patter and a very dry sense of humour.
In the radio series Garkbit is played by Anthony Sharp, and appears in fit the fifth of the radio series. In the television series, he is portrayed by Jack May and appears in episode 5 of the TV series.
The book describes Garkbit as being a methane breather, with a life support system strapped discreetly to his thigh.
Genghis Tem?jin Khan
Son of Yes?gei, Genghis Khan is both a distant ancestor of Mr Prosser and was called “a wanker, a tosspot, a very tiny piece of turd” by Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged in “The Private Life of Genghis Khan”, originally based on a sketch written by Adams and Graham Chapman. The short story also appears in some editions of The Salmon of Doubt.
Aside from being the favourite subject of author Oolon Colluphid (Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes, Who is this God Person Anyway? and That About Wraps it Up for God), God also makes a disappearance in the Guide’s entry for the Babel Fish (“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing”. “But,” says man, “The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”).
Majikthise worries about philosophers sitting up half the night arguing that there may or may not be a God if Deep Thought can give His phone number the next morning. Arthur, Fenchurch and Marvin visit God’s Final Message to His Creation (“we apologise for the inconvenience”) in the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.
At least six other characters have the status of a god: Almighty Bob, the Great Green Arkleseizure, Thor, Rob McKenna, who is unknowingly a rain god, Gaia, the Greek goddess who personifies the Earth, and Cthulhu, who is one of the Great Old Ones from the Cthulhu Mythos. Gaia, Thor, and Cthulhu are among the deities interviewed by Hillman Hunter for the job of God of the Earth-refugee planet of Nano, with Thor being selected.
An enterprising chap who addressed the problem of elevators refusing to operate because they had been afforded a degree of prescience (to facilitate their operation by allowing them to be waiting for you before you’ve even decided you want to go up or down a floor) but consequently became terrified of the future, and so taken to hiding in basements. Mincefriend became very wealthy when he patented and successfully marketed a device he had seen in a history book: the staircase.
The Golgafrinchans first appear in fit the sixth of the radio series. In the novel series, their appearances are all in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and they appear in episode 6 of the TV series. In all formats, the story is essentially the same. Following their adventures at Milliways, Arthur and Ford teleport onto an “Ark Ship” containing a number of Golgafrinchans. This particular group consists of the Wodehousian “middle class” who have common, middle-management types of occupations. They were sent away from their planet under false pretenses by the (upper class) “thinkers” and (working class) “doers” of their society, who deemed them useless. They were told that the entire society had to move to a new planet, with a variety of thin excuses, and that it was necessary for them to go first to prepare the new planet for their occupation. However, it turns out that one of the middle-men was necessary for survival, and as a result, the rest of the Golgafrinchan society died off (see below).
Agda and Mella
Agda and Mella are Golgafrinchan girls that Arthur and Ford hit on. On Golgafrincham, Agda used to be a junior personnel officer and Mella an art director. Agda is taller and slimmer and Mella shorter and round-faced. Mella and Arthur became a couple, as did Agda and Ford. In a way Mella was very relieved because she had been saved from a life of looking at moodily lit tubes of toothpaste. Agda died a few weeks later from a chain of events that Ford unknowingly started by throwing the Scrabble letter Q into a privet bush: it startled a rabbit, which ran away and was eaten by a fox, who choked on the rabbit and died, contaminating a stream that Agda drank from and became sick.it is said that the only moral that one could possibly learn from these occurrences is not to throw the letter Q into a privet bush. Agda and Mella only appear in the novel.
The Captain is the ablutophiliac captain of the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. He likes to bathe with his rubber duck (he spent practically the entire time he was captain of the B Ark and as much of his time on Earth, a total time of over three years, as has been documented in the bath) and has got a very relaxed attitude towards everything. The Captain also has a fondness for a drink called “jynnan tonnyx”. His personality was based on Douglas Adams’ habit of taking extraordinarily long baths as a method of procrastination to avoid writing.
Great Circling Poets of Arium
These rock throwing poets can be seen in the Guide graphics in episode 6 of the TV series, heard about in the radio series The Primary Phase and read about in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. They are original inhabitants of Golgafrincham, one of whose descendants inspire the stories that caused the creation of the “‘B’ Ark” that Arthur and Ford find themselves on. The first part of their songs tell of how five princes with four horses from the City of Vassilian travel widely in distant lands, and the latter – and longer – part of the songs is about which of them is going to walk back.
One of the Golgafrinchans on the prehistoric Earth, the hairdresser was put in charge of the fire development sub-committee. They gave him a couple of sticks to rub together, but instead, he made them into a pair of scissors in the radio series, or curling tongs in the television and book series.
The Golgafrinchans’ management consultant tried to arrange the meetings of the colonization committee along the lines of a traditional committee structure, complete with a chair and an agenda. He was also in charge of fiscal policy, and decided to adopt the leaf as legal tender, making everyone immensely rich. In order to solve the inflation problem this caused, he planned a major deforestation campaign to effectively revalue the leaf by burning down all the forests.
Another Golgafrinchan on prehistoric Earth, the marketing girl assisted the hairdresser’s fire development sub-committee in researching what consumers want from fire and how they relate to it and if they want it fitted nasally. She also tried to invent the wheel, but had a little difficulty deciding what colour it should be.
She was played by Beth Porter both in the radio series and on television and by Loueen Willoughby in the LP album adaptation.
Number One is the First officer in the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. He is not very smart, having difficulty tying up his shoelaces, but is regarded by the captain as a nice chap. His only function to appear in the series is to offer Ford and Arthur drinks.
Number Two is a militaristic officer in the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. He captures Arthur and Ford and interrogates them. When they land on Earth, Number Two declares a war on another, uninhabited continent. He likes shouting a lot, and thinks the Captain is an idiot.
He is played by Aubrey Woods in the radio series and by Stephen Greif in the LP album adaptation. On television, the character was divided into two different characters: Number Two played by David Neville on the planet Earth, and Number One played by Matthew Scurfield on the B Ark.
The Golgafrinchan telephone sanitizer is in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Ironically, after all the telephone sanitizers were sent away with the rest of the “useless” Golgafrinchans, the rest of the society died off from an infectious disease contracted from an unsanitized telephone.
Googleplex Star Thinker
In the scripts for fit the fourth of the radio series, the first programmer asks Deep Thought if it is not “a greater analyst than the Googleplex Star Thinker in the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity which can calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle throughout a five-week Aldebaran sand blizzard?”, which the great computer dismisses because he has already “contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself”. The Googleplex Starthinker also appears in episode 4 of the TV series and the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Great Green Arkleseizure
The creator of the universe, according to the people of Viltvodle VI. Their legend has it that the universe was sneezed out of the nose of the Great Green Arkleseizure, and they thus “live in perpetual fear of the time they call ‘The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief.'”
In the movie, Humma Kavula, played by John Malkovich, is a missionary of the Great Green Arkleseizure religion on Viltvodle VI, ending his sermons with a simple “Bless you”.
Grunthos the Flatulent
The guide recites a tale of how, during a reading of his poem Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning, “four of the audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off.”
Reportedly “disappointed” by the reception of his poem, Grunthos then prepared to read his 12-book epic, My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles (or Zen And The Art Of Going To The Lavatory in episode 2 of the TV series). He was prevented from doing so when his small intestine leapt up his neck and throttled his brain in a desperate bid to save civilization, killing him.
Excerpt from “Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning“, taken from the TV series graphics:
- Putty. Putty. Putty.
- Green Putty – Grutty Peen.
- Grarmpitutty – Morning!
- Pridsummer – Grorning Utty!
- Discovery….. Oh.
- Putty?….. Armpit?
- Armpit….. Putty.
- Not even a particularly
- Nice shade of green.
- Relax mind
- Relax body
- Relax bowels
- Do not fall over.
- You are a cloud.
- You are raining.
- Do not rain
- While train
- Is standing at a station.
- Move with the wind.
- Apologise where necessary.
Guide Mark II
In the fifth novel, the Guide Mark II is used by the Vogons to help them destroy all the many Earths that appear in the novels. By using reverse temporal engineering throughout the book, the Guide Mark II – which takes on the appearance of a bird with Unfiltered perception – cajoles the cast to their final destination at Club Beta on Earth to first re-meet Agrajag and then be destroyed by the mindless Grebulons.
Flexible and imaginative, Hactar was the first computer whose individual components reflected the pattern of the whole. Hactar is assembled and programmed by the Silastic Armourfiends, who then order him to assemble an “Ultimate Weapon.” Hactar, receiving no other guidance from the Amourfiends, takes the request literally and builds a supernova bomb which would connect every major sun in the universe through hyperspace, thus causing every star to go supernova. Deciding that he could find no circumstance where such a bomb would be justified, Hactar builds a small defect into it. After discovering the defect, the Armourfiends pulverize Hactar.
Rather than being destroyed, Hactar is merely crippled. He can still manipulate matter, but even a simple item takes millennia to manufacture. Over ?ons Hactar moves and recombines to become a dark cloud surrounding Krikkit, isolating the inhabitants. Deciding that the decision not to destroy the universe was not his to make, he uses his influence to make them build their first space ship and discover the universe; he then manipulates them into the same rage which the Armourfiends possessed, urging that they destroy all other life; Hactar has reassembled the supernova bomb, this time in working condition.
After an incredibly long and bloody galactic war, Judiciary Pag banishes Krikkit to an envelope of “Slo-Time” to be released after the rest of the universe ends. At the end of the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, after his scheme fails, Hactar slips the cricket-ball-shaped supernova bomb to Arthur Dent, who then accidentally saves the Universe again by being an abysmal cricket bowler.
- the novel Life, the Universe and Everything
He is played on radio first by Geoffrey McGivern, in a flashback for which McGivern is not credited during fit the seventeenth of the radio series. He is then voiced by Leslie Phillips, appearing again in fit the eighteenth of the radio series.
Haggunenon Underfleet Commander
The Underfleet Commander reports directly to the Haggunenon Admiral. The admiral had gone off for a quick meal at Milliways, where Ford and Zaphod attempted to steal his/her/its/their flagship. But as it had a pre-set return course, it resumed its place at the front of about a hundred thousand horribly weaponed black battle cruisers. But because the Haggunenons have very unstable DNA and change their shape/appearance at random and often inconvenient times, the Underfleet Commander mistakenly assumes that Zaphod and Trillian are, in fact, actually the admiral.
The Underfleet Commander only appears in fit the sixth of the radio series, voiced by Aubrey Woods. The Haggunenons were written out of subsequent versions, as they were originally co-written with John Lloyd, although they did appear in some stage adaptations.
Haggunenons are greatly inconvenienced by their genetic instability and so have vowed to wage terrible war against all “filthy, rotten, stinking, same-lings.”
A similar creature appears on the BBC TV series Red Dwarf.
There is a shapeshifting Dungeons & Dragons monster called a “hagunemnon.”
Hig Hurtenflurst “only happens to be” the risingest young executive in the Dolmansaxlil Shoe Corporation. During fit the eleventh of the radio series, he is on Brontitall. What he is doing there is something of a mystery, as the Shoe Event Horizon was reached long ago and the survivors of the famine have long since evolved into bird people and set up home inside a fifteen-mile high statue of Arthur Dent. His foot-warriors capture Arthur Dent and three Lintilla clones, who are threatened by Hurtenflurst to be “revoked. K-I-L-L-E-D, revoked”. He then proceeds to show them a film about the activities of the Dolmansaxlil Shoe Corporation, which is interrupted by Marvin, who has cut the power in order to rescue Arthur and the Lintillas.
He appeared in fit the eleventh of the radio series played by Marc Smith. He has not appeared in any versions after this.
Hillman Hunter is an Irish property developer from Earth who has been tricked by Zaphod into moving to a planet created by Magrathea. He interviews various gods, as he is keen to employ Thor to keep the society he has created on the planet devoutly controlled. He acts as a “stereotype Paddy from a bygone era” using phrases such as Bejaysus and invoking leprechauns. He is a major character in the novel And Another Thing…. He has considerable problems with the Tyromancers from an alternative reality who have also settled on the planet. Like Ford Prefect, whose name derived from the Ford Prefect automobile, Hillman Hunter’s name derives from an automobile sold in the United Kingdom in the 1960s.
Hotblack Desiato is the ajuitar keyboard player of the rock group Disaster Area, claimed to be the loudest band in the universe, and in fact the loudest sound of any kind, anywhere. So loud is this band that the audience usually listens from the safe distance of thirty seven miles away in a well-built concrete bunker. Disaster Area’s lavish performances went so far as to crash a space ship into the sun to create a solar flare. Pink Floyd’s lavish stage shows were the inspiration for Disaster Area. (Incidentally, Douglas Adams was credited for coming up with the title of Pink Floyd’s 1994 album The Division Bell.) At the time when the main characters meet him, in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Hotblack is spending a year dead “for tax reasons”. (In the book he is described as being connected to a “death support system” and communicates only by supernatural means). In 1978, two years prior to the publishing of the book, the members of the band Pink Floyd lived outside Great Britain for exactly one year for tax reasons.
The character is named after an estate agency based in Islington, with branches throughout North London; Adams said he was struggling to find a name for the character and, spotting a Hotblack Desiato sign, liked the name so much he “nearly crashed the car” and eventually telephoned to ask permission to use the firm’s name for a character. Apparently, the firm’s staff later received phone calls telling them they had a nerve naming their company after Adams’s character.
The Disaster Area sub-plot was first heard in the LP album adaptations and later in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It replaces the Haggunenon material from fit the sixth of the radio series. The character appears in episode 5 of the TV series, and his ship in episode 6 of the TV series. He does not have any lines (due to being technically dead), and is played by Barry Frank Warren.
Humma Kavula is a semi-insane missionary living amongst the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle VI, and a former space pirate. (It was presumably during his time as a pirate that he lost his legs and had them replaced with telescoping mechanical spider appendages). He wears thick glasses, which make his eyes appear normal when worn; however, when he removes the glasses, he appears to have shrunken black pits where his eyes should be. He seems to be a religious leader on that planet, preaching about the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief. Hence, his sermons end with the words “Bless You” rather than “Amen”. (See Jatravartids).
He also ran against Zaphod Beeblebrox in the campaign for President of the Galaxy with the campaign slogan “Don’t Vote For Stupid,” but lost, and has remained bitter about it ever since. In the film he is seeking the point-of-view gun to further his religion’s acceptance (presumably), and he takes one of Zaphod’s two heads and one of his three arms (though we do not see this, but Zaphod says while attempting to avoid the thermonuclear missiles above Magrathea “I can’t do this without my third arm”) hostage to ensure his help.
Although the character existed already, he was greatly expanded upon by Adams for the 2005 movie The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Quoting Robbie Stamp: “All the substantive new ideas in the movie, Humma, the Point of View Gun and the “paddle slapping sequence” on Vogsphere are brand new Douglas ideas written especially for the movie by him.”
- the 2005 movie The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, played by John Malkovich.
Hurling Frootmig is said to be the founder of the Hitchhiker’s Guide, who “established its fundamental principles of honesty and idealism, and went bust.” Later, after much soul-searching, he re-established the Guide with its “principles of honesty and idealism and where you could stuff them both, and went on to lead the Guide to its first major commercial success.”
Ix is the childhood nickname of Ford Prefect, since his name in the native language of his father, who was from Betelgeuse 7, was unpronounceable in the language of his adopted home planet, Betelgeuse 5. In English, Ix translates to “boy who is not able satisfactorily to explain what a hrung is, nor why it should choose to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven”.
His High Judgmental Supremacy, Judiciary Pag, L.I.V.R. (the Learned, Impartial, and Very Relaxed) was the Chairman of the Board of Judges at the Krikkit War Crimes Trial. He privately called himself Zipo Bibrok 5 ? 108 (which is five hundred million, or half a billion in short-scale terminology). He is, presumably, an ancestor of Zaphod Beeblebrox – the accident with the contraceptive and the time-machine that caused Zaphod’s father to be Zaphod Beeblebrox the Second and so on, would give us the time, half a billion generations earlier, when Judiciary Pag lived and the Krikkit War took place. The family name would have been corrupted by this time.
It was Judiciary Pag’s idea that the people of Krikkit be permanently sealed in a Slo-Time envelope, and the seal could only be broken by bringing a special Key to the Lock. When the rest of the universe had ended, the seal would be broken and Krikkit could continue a solitary existence in the universe. This judgement seemed to please everybody except the people of Krikkit themselves, but the only alternative was to face annihilation.
- the novel Life, the Universe and Everything
He is played on radio by Rupert Degas, and appears in fit the fifteenth of the radio series.
Karl Mueller operates a nightclub, Club Alpha, in New York City. He is German with a Greek mother, and was handed the running of the club by his brother Stavro Mueller, who renamed Club Alpha with his own name. He appears in the novel Mostly Harmless, in the storyline regarding the final death of Agrajag.
Know-Nothing Bozo the Non-Wonder Dog
A dog belonging to advertiser Will Smithers which was so stupid that it was incapable of eating the right dog food on camera, even when engine oil was poured on the wrong food. It was so named because its hair stuck upright on its head in a way that resembled Ronald Reagan (The dog also had an adverse reaction whenever someone said the word “commies“). Bozo barked at Arthur whilst he considered entering the Horse and Groom pub on his return to Earth in So Long and Thanks for all the Fish. There is a cartoon character called Wonder Dog in Super Friends.Bonzo was the name of a cartoon dog in the 1920s which in turn gave its name to the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band.
Ford, Arthur, Trillian and Slartibartfast meet a group of murderous Krikkiters on the surface of their planet. Away from the influence of Hactar, they are troubled by their Elders wanting to destroy the Universe as they are keen to have sporting links with the rest of the Galaxy. They appear in the novel Life, the Universe and Everything and the Tertiary Phase of the radio series.
Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton
Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton is described in the original radio script as “a sort of Margaret Thatcher, Penelope Keith character.” She is responsible for christening the “very splendid and worthwhile yellow bulldozer” which knocks down Arthur Dent’s house in “cruddy Cottington”, and it gives her “great pleasure” to make a “very splendid and worthwhile” speech immediately beforehand.
The Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob
The Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob is a small man with a strange hat who guards God’s Final Message to His Creation, and who sells Arthur and Fenchurch a ticket to it before passing them on a scooter and imploring them to “keep to the left”. Introduced by Prak in the epilogue to the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, he finally appears towards the end of the novel So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish when we also realize that he has been a regular visitor to Wonko The Sane, who describes angels with golden beards and green wings, Dr Scholl sandals, who eat nachos and do a lot of coke. He says that he runs a concession stand by the message and when Wonko says “I don’t know what that means” he says “no, you don’t”.
Lallafa was an ancient poet who lived in the forests of the Long Lands of Effa. His home inspired him to write a poetic opus known as The Songs of the Long Land on pages made of dried habra leaves. His poems were discovered years after Lallafa’s death, and news of them quickly spread. For centuries, the poems gave inspiration and illumination to many who would otherwise be much more unhappy, and for this they are usually considered around the Galaxy to be the greatest poetic works in existence. This is remarkable because Lallafa wrote his poems without the aid of education or correction fluid.
The latter fact attracted the attention of some correction fluid manufacturers from the Mancunian nebula. The manufacturers worked out that if they could get Lallafa to use their fluids in a variety of leafy colours in the course of his work, their companies would be as successful as the poems themselves. And so, they traveled back in time and beat Lallafa until he went along with their plan. The plan succeeded, Lallafa became extremely rich, and spent so much time on chat shows that he never got around to actually writing The Songs. This was solved by each week, in the past, giving Lallafa a copy of his poems, from the present, and having him write his poems again for the first time. But on the condition that he make the odd mistake and use the correction fluid.
Some argued the poems were now worthless, and set out to stop this sort of thing with the Campaign for Real Time (a play on Campaign for Real Ale), or CamTim, to keep the flow of history untampered by time travel. Slartibartfast is a member of CamTim. (The necessity for this campaign is contradicted by other events in the novels. For example, when Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect landed on primitive Earth, they decided that nothing they could do would change history. And when Agrajag diverted him to a Cathedral of Doom to try to kill him, Arthur Dent’s perpetual victim said that he’d try to kill Dent even if it’s a logical impossibility, Dent not having ducked a bullet yet.)
A customizer of starships to the rich and famous time travellers, who first appeared in fit the fifth of the radio series, and later in the novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and episode 5 of the TV series. Ford Prefect apparently believes that “the man has no shame.” His trademark is an infra-pink lizard emblem.
Lig Lury, Jr
The fourth editor of the Guide, who never actually resigned from his job. He simply left one morning for lunch and never returned to his office, making all later holders of the position “Acting Editors.” His old office is still preserved by the Guide employees in the hope that he will return. His desk sports a sign that reads “Missing, presumed fed.”
Lintilla is a rather unfortunate woman who has (as of fit the eleventh of the radio series) been cloned 578,000,000,000 times due to an accident at a Brantisvogan escort agency. While creating six clones of a wonderfully talented and attractive woman named Lintilla (at the same time another machine was creating five hundred lonely business executives, in order to keep the laws of supply and demand operating profitably), the machine got stuck in a loop and malfunctioned in such a way that it got halfway through completing each new Lintilla before it had finished the previous one. This meant that it was for a very long while impossible to turn the machine off without committing murder, despite lawyers’ best efforts to argue about what murder actually was, including trying to redefine it, repronounce it, and respell it in the hope that no one would notice.
Arthur Dent encounters three of her on the planet of Brontitall, and takes a liking to (at least) one of them. He kills one of three male anti-clones, all called Allitnil (Lintilla backwards), sent by the cloning company to get her to “agree to cease to be” (although the other two of her “consummate” this legal agreement with their respective anti-clones). When Arthur leaves Zaphod, Ford, and Zarniwoop stranded with the Ruler of the Universe and his cat (at the conclusion of fit the twelfth of the radio series), he takes one of the Lintillas with him aboard the Heart of Gold.
All Lintillas were played by the same actress: Rula Lenska. Lintilla (and her clones) appeared only in the final three episodes of the second radio series. Rula Lenska did return to the fourth and fifth radio series – she was first an uncredited “Update Voice” for the Hitchhiker’s Guide itself and then played the Voice of the Bird (the new version of the Guide introduced in the novel Mostly Harmless). Zaphod noted in the new series that the new book has the same voice as “those Lintilla chicks.” The footnotes of the published scripts make the connection, confirming that the bird is actually an amalgam of the Lintilla clones, the solution alluded to in the second series. Lintilla and her clones (of which at the end there are now more than 800,000,000,000 – “800 thousand million“) do make a re-appearance of sorts on the Heart of Gold in an alternate ending to fit the twenty-sixth of the radio series (which can only be heard on CD).
The name Lintilla was reused for an adult-oriented multiple worlds talker that opened in 1994.
In the original novel, Loonquawl is one of the two people who return to Deep Thought to find the answer to the Ultimate question. The other is Phouchg.
The Lord is a cat, owned by The Ruler of the Universe. He might like fish and might like people singing songs to him, as the Ruler of the Universe isn’t certain if people come to talk to him, or sing songs to his cat or even if the cat exists at all.
Lord High Sanvalvwag of Hollop
A man who never married. Had he done so, and forgotten his wife’s birthday for the second year, he would have globbered. This definition of globber casts doubt on the usefulness of Ultra-Complete Maximegalon Dictionary Of Every Language Ever. (Life, the Universe and Everything)
Lunkwill and Fook
Lunkwill and Fook are the two programmers chosen to make the great question to Deep Thought on the day of the Great On-Turning.
- the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
On radio, the characters are just called First computer programmer and Second computer programmer, and appear in fit the fourth of the radio series, and are played by Ray Hassett and Jeremy Browne respectively.
Appears wandering along a beach in the novel Life, the Universe and Everything, but no one needs him.
Majikthise and Vroomfondel
Majikthise and Vroomfondel are philosophers (though they may not be). They make their appearance as representatives of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries and other Professional Thinking Persons in order to protest a demarcation dispute against Deep Thought, the computer which is being asked to determine the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything, and to demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty. They maintain that the search for ultimate truth is the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers. Upon learning that Deep Thought was already committed to calculating the Ultimate Question, they were convinced by the sentient computer that a great deal of money could be made by philosophers who were willing to exploit the expected media interest in the Question, and presumably withdrew their protest.
- the novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
On radio, Majikthise was played by Jonathan Adams, and Vroomfondel was played by Jim Broadbent. In the television series (but not on The Big Read), David Leland played Majikthise and Charles McKeown played Vroomfondel.
The characters were omitted from the 2005 movie The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Max Quordlepleen is an entertainer who hosts at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe and the Big Bang Burger Bar (or “Big Bang Burger Chef” in the original radio version). His feelings about the Universe outside of his onstage persona are unclear, but he has witnessed its end over five hundred times.
His name is derived from a phenomenon during a rocket’s ascent.
He re-appears in the final episode of the radio series The Quintessential Phase, played by Roy Hudd again.
In the novel Mostly Harmless, it is Mo Minetti who had left, due to pregnancy, being the anchor the USAM TV breakfast show which Tricia McMillan is in New York to try out for. Apparently, she declined, surprisingly for reasons of taste, to deliver her child on the air.
Murray Bost Henson
Murray Bost Henson is “a journalist from one of those papers with small pages and big print” as Arthur Dent puts it. He is a friend of Arthur’s whom Arthur phones one day to find out how he can get in touch with Wonko the Sane, and uses incredibly odd idioms in conversation, including such phrases as “my old silver tureen”, “my old elephant tusk” and “my old prosthetic limb” (as terms of endearment) and “the Great Golden Spike in the sky” (referring to the death-place of old newspaper stories).
Old Man on the Poles
Played by Saeed Jaffrey in fit the twenty-fourth of the radio series the old man on the poles on Hawalius, tells Arthur some old information wrapped up as news, and that everyone should have a beach house. The character appears in the novel Mostly Harmless.
Old Thrashbarg first appears in the novel Mostly Harmless, as a sort of priest on Lamuella, the planet on which Arthur becomes the Sandwich-Maker. He worships “Bob” and is often ignored by his villagers. Whenever he is questioned about Almighty Bob he merely describes him as “ineffable.” No one on Lamuella knows what this means, because Thrashbarg owns the only dictionary, and it is “the ineffable will of Almighty Bob” that he keeps it to himself. When someone sneaked into his house while he was out having a swim, “ineffable” was defined in the dictionary as “unknowable, indescribable, unutterable, not to be known or spoken about”.
Old Woman in the Cave
Played by Miriam Margolyes in fit the twenty-fourth of the radio series, the smelly Old Woman in the Cave in the village of oracles on Hawalius provides Arthur Dent with bad olfactory stimulation and a photocopied story of her life, suggesting he live his life the opposite way so he won’t end up living in a rancid cave. This occurs in the novel Mostly Harmless.
Oolon Colluphid is the author of several books on religious and other philosophical topics. Colluphid’s works include:
- Where God Went Wrong
- Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes
- Who Is This God Person Anyway?
- Well That About Wraps It Up for God
- Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Guilt But Were Too Ashamed To Ask (A play on the title of a sex manual written by Dr. David Reuben which inspired a Woody Allen film)
- Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Sex But Have Been Forced To Find Out (Another play on that same title)
Colluphid is also shown as the author of the book The Origins of the Universe in the first part of the Destiny of the Daleks serial of Doctor Who. The Doctor scoffs that he “got it wrong on the first line”. The reference was inserted by Douglas Adams, who was at the time working as the show’s script editor.
- 1 Agrajag
- 2 Mrs Alice Beeblebrox
- 3 The Allitnils
- 4 Almighty Bob
- 5 Anjie
- 6 Arcturan Megafreighter crew
- 7 A-Rth-Urp-Hil-Ipdenu
- 8 Aseed
- 9 Barmen
- 10 BBC department head
- 11 Blart Versenwald III
- 12 Bodyguard
- 13 Caveman
- 14 Colin
- 15 Constant Mown
- 16 Dr. Dan Streetmentioner
- 17 Deep Thought
- 18 Dionah Carlinton Housney
- 19 Disaster Area’s chief research accountant
- 20 Dish of the Day
- 21 East River Creature
- 22 Eccentrica Gallumbits
- 23 Eddie
- 24 Effrafax of Wug
- 25 Elders of Krikkit
- 26 Elvis Presley
- 27 Emily Saunders
- 28 Emperor of the Galaxy
- 29 Mrs Enid Kapelsen
- 30 Eric Bartlett
- 31 Fenchurch
- 32 Frankie and Benjy Mouse
- 33 Frap Gadz
- 34 Frogstar Prisoner Relations Officer
- 35 Gag Halfrunt
- 36 Gail Andrews
- 37 Gargravarr
- 38 Garkbit
- 39 Genghis Temüjin Khan
- 40 God
- 41 Gogrilla Mincefriend
- 42 Golgafrinchans
- 43 Googleplex Star Thinker
- 44 Great Green Arkleseizure
- 45 Grunthos the Flatulent
- 46 Guide Mark II
- 47 Hactar
- 48 Haggunenon Underfleet Commander
- 49 Heimdall
- 50 Hig Hurtenflurst
- 51 Hillman Hunter
- 52 Hotblack Desiato
- 53 Humma Kavula
- 54 Hurling Frootmig
- 55 Ix
- 56 Judiciary Pag
- 57 Karl Mueller
- 58 Know-Nothing Bozo the Non-Wonder Dog
- 59 Krikkiters
- 60 Kwaltz
- 61 Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton
- 62 The Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob
- 63 Lallafa
- 64 Lazlar Lyricon
- 65 Lig Lury, Jr
- 66 Lintilla
- 67 Loonquawl
- 68 The Lord
- 69 Lord High Sanvalvwag of Hollop
- 70 Lunkwill and Fook
- 71 Magician
- 72 Majikthise and Vroomfondel
- 73 Max Quordlepleen
- 74 Mo Minetti
- 75 Murray Bost Henson
- 76 Old Man on the Poles
- 77 Old Thrashbarg
- 78 Old Woman in the Cave
- 79 Oolon Colluphid
- 80 Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, Essex
- 81 Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex
- 82 Phouchg
- 83 Poodoo
- 84 Prak
- 85 Pralite monks
- 86 President Hudson
- 87 Princess Hooli
- 88 Mr Prosser
- 89 Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
- 90 Questular Rontok
- 91 Random Dent
- 92 Receptionists
- 93 Reg Nullify
- 94 Rob McKenna
- 95 Roosta
- 96 The Ruler of the Universe
- 97 Russell
- 98 Safety and Civil Reassurance Administration Officials
- 99 Sheila Steafel
- 100 Shooty and Bang Bang
- 101 Six Men
- 102 Slartibartfast
- 103 Stavro Mueller
- 104 Strinder the Tool Maker
- 105 Sulijoo
- 106 Thor
- 107 Tribesmen of the Cold Hillsides
- 108 Trin Tragula
- 109 Varntvar The Priest
- 110 Veet Voojagig
- 111 Vroomfondel and Majikthise
- 112 War Command Krikkiters
- 113 Whale
- 114 Will Smithers
- 115 The Wise Old Bird
- 116 Wonko the Sane
- 117 Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged
- 118 Yooden Vranx
- 119 Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth
- 120 Zarniwoop van Harl
- 121 Zarquon
- 122 Zem
- 123 See also
- 124 References
- 125 External links